How It Started
I have been meaning to write an update to the blog post I shared back in the summer of 2021 when I was first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). You can read that blog here to learn about how I finally accepted and sought out help to set myself up for a healing path.
I know this disorder is becoming more prevalent among many professionals, the education industry has been hit hard by it.
There is no doubt that my mental health challenges generated as a result of pandemic teaching while pushing myself to do too much past the point of exhaustion and burn out. As educators, too much has always been glorified, sometimes we even contribute to it, and that needs to stop.
There is so much I want to share because I know many are going through it the worst way possible…with feelings of inadequacy and keeping it to themselves. This, my friends, is not healthy!
I also thought long and hard about the title of this blog post, because if you struggle with anxiety, you know how dark things can get to even begin to imply that there is a silver lining, but from where I am standing, I was determined to find one, and to my surprise I found more than one silver lining!
How It Has Been Going
It has been less than a year since I have been constantly learning how to live with anxiety.
I also quickly learned that healing isn’t linear as with many other mental disorders.
There are good days and bad days. There are sometimes very scary body reactions.
There are days where I rock it and feel on top of the world, and days where I feel totally defeated in every way possible.
There are days my medications work their magic and other days where I just cry and wish this would all go away forever! Considering medication is still very much worth it in case you are wondering my thoughts on the matter.
I am grateful to God, my family, and friends because thanks to them, I am able to keep getting back up to continue to push through my journey to healing.
I am also super grateful to my students and admin at the school, WL district, and WL state level. Just feeling heard and understood is great support.
The Silver Lining of Living with Anxiety
Good news! It turns out that there is more than one silver lining!
PERSONALLY
- I am more self aware – I have always found it important to work hard to get to know myself, but living with anxiety has taken this practice to an entire new level.
- I am more patient – I always used to be super impatient with everything. I had the worst level of patience towards myself and my family.
- I have drastically slowed down my life – I was always told that I needed to create more margin of life. As an enneagram 3, I have always been majorly work driven. I had no idea how to create this margin of life until anxiety knocked on my door and I was forced to allow myself time to rest, time to sleep, time to read, time to do nothing, time to spend with my loved ones, time to disconnect.
- I am no longer apologetic for my human faults – For years, I compared and destroyed myself for not being organized enough, talented enough, enthusiastic enough, punctual enough, structured enough, you name it enough as my colleagues until anxiety made me stop this negative self talk. Now, this doesn’t mean that I am not working on my flaws, but I am done apologizing and mentally sabotaging myself for them. I am embracing a new level of self- acceptance that many people can’t understand yet, and that is okay. It is my hope that if you struggle with both anxiety and/or harsh self criticism, you soon find that level of self-acceptance.
- I take better care of my physical, mental, and spiritual health – I always struggled to create a solid practice to take care of myself whether it was physically, mentally, or spiritually. I always claimed that I had no time, well, anxiety made me set myself on a mission to reclaim my time. Now, I can’t afford to not exercise, not pray, not journal, and not give myself the quietness I often need.
PROFESSIONALLY
- I only work my hours regardless of what gets done (or doesn’t) – That is right, I make it a point to leave at 3:30 pm no matter what. 4 PM being the latest and I am doing great! Also, I only allow myself to work at home if I don’t feel too tired and if I actually will enjoy it.
- I now set up firm boundaries and articulate these for my students as well to set an example – OMG! This is a big game changer. I have always had a hard time saying NO when asked to do something by others, not anymore! I am okay knowing what I can handle and I also recognize that not being able to juggle all the balls at once doesn’t make me incompetent, less valuable, or less effective at my job.
- I am intentional about my use of time at school and I take breaks as needed – I always used to do nothing but work at school, now I give myself a 15 minute break during my planning to simply quiet my mind and pray or take a walk around the school, whatever I need. It pays off in terms of producticity during the rest of my planning. I have found if I don’t take this time, anxiety will hit me hard later in the day. I also have at least two brain breaks with my students during class to laugh, to breathe, and to further nurture our time together.
- I have identified several educators who keep me strong and don’t judge me – It is so important to find those who you can reach out to and who try to understand what you are going through whether in your building or online. Thankfully, I am blessed with family and friends who have and continue to support me throughout this new stage in my life. I have also had to let go of energy that did not serve me well.
- I changed my definition of excellence – I used to beat myself up trying to attain my definition of excellence which in my book back then equated to perfection. This is a bit different from comparing myself to others. This was more about trying to be the perfect teacher for my students as opposed to trying to be the best teacher I could be for my students. You can be your best every day when you understand your best can look different everyday depending on your mental state and NO this doesn’t make you a weakling, this is a clear example that you are a human dealing with pandemic induced trauma. Instead, I now focus on creating consistent daily learning experiences conducive to acquisiton and moments of joy for me and my learners.
- I also redefined my concept of “dedication” to the profession I love – Prior to the pandemic and anxiety knocking on my door, I used to think dedication meant more hours at school, more hours lesson planning, more after school opportunities, more PD. Basicallly, being okay with total consumption of my personal identity at almost the cost of losing my family and as you can see, my mental health. This was so not healthy! Why did it have to be like that? The reality is that it never had to be like that. I did not have to buy that idea of dedication, but I did. Now I know many teachers who are rocking it but they do so because of the boundaries they have set. Now, I realize dedication to the profession means being fully present during my contracted hours and actually continuing to enjoy what I do even during a pandemic. Dedication to the profession also can mean walking away from the profession when it is no longer a healthy environment for you or your learners without being judged.
- I remind myself every day of my why – I have always had a folder where I keep all kinds notes and emails from my students & colleagues. I also film my classes a lot because I like to watch them enjoy our interactions, games and activities. These always give me an energy boost when I am down. What reminds you of your WHY? Because friend, it isn’t easy to continue walking this walk, but we are doing it. If you don’t have a special folder (electronic or physical) to collect happy memories, I want to invite you to create one.
At the end of the day, I now realize the only validation, the only praise, and the only reward that matters to me is that of my students and teaching communities for whom I work to make a difference as IMPERFECT as I am, when my mental health allows me to do so. My WHY is something I will not allow anxiety to take away from me.
Resources That Have Helped Me & Can Help You Too!
If you connected with any part of this blog post and you read this far, I want to share with you some free resources to help you take care of your mental health.
- Connect with Kayland Lamar! As far as practical teacher self care, trust me, she knows what she is talking about. I also love to see her powerful reminders and truth bombs on her instagram account!
If we share the same Christian faith, I want to share with you a couple of my favorite tools to spend the first 15-20 minutes of my planning. They go like this:
- Listen to LA DOSIS DIARIA for 5-7 minutes. An English alternative would be YOUR DAILY PRAYER PODCAST that was recommended to me by my friend Claudia Elliott.
- Read one page from my devotional. I use Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, which was a gift given by my friend Joanna Arnold but Our Daily Bread is a free devotional for which you can sign up and another great option too!
- Pray and use my notes in The Faith Filled Teacher’s prayer journal.
- Then go on to my planning and move along as much as I humanly can.
These moments have increased my joy so much in the middle of all these stressful teaching times and it helps majorly minimize any anxiety that wants to interfere with my day.
Finally, here are two more free recommendations that include very little effort but are high impact:
- Headspace meditating app which is free for educators!
- And/or check out any of the series by Yoga with Adrienne recommended by my teacher and kind friend Kathy Perry.
I wish I could recommend free therapy for teachers, but sadly, I don’t know of any.
I know some districts have programs in place, but definitely more needs to be done to contribute towards the mental health of students and all employees of the school systems nationwide.
If you are going through mental health challenges, don’t be afraid to speak up. Start by talking with your general physician as they are able to point you in the right direction. You aren’t alone.
I want to remind you that you aren’t alone! Don’t believe me? Check out our conversation on LessEns Learned in 2021 ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓
Until next time. Tu amiga imperfecta…Profe Delgadillo.
Thank you Bertha! I need to work on some of these things.